Well, it was bound to happen, and it has started - our Pennsylvania summer has segued into what seems a lot like fall. Everyone around here is telling me that it's a bit early for the real fall, but here it is, mid-September, and we've had at least one morning low in the high 30's. Now, being a Florida boy, this ol' body starts thinking it's winter when the temps drop below 60º. We usually didn't see any cold weather down there until probably mid-December, and it didn't get really cold, i.e below 50º, until January or February. We actually had one winter in Central Florida when it hit the low 20's one morning. No kidding! The water froze in our pipes, and we have pictures of our garden fountain with icicles hanging from it! And I might even mention that it actually snowed in Ft. Lauderdale on January 19th, 1977! Really!!
And so, here I am, in Eastern PA in September, going to my grandson's night-time football game a week ago, and I'm wearing thermal underwear under jeans and a sweatshirt. It was cold, probably in the high 50's, with a bit of a wind chill, and even my daughter Annie seemed to be shivering a bit. And as I talk to some of the others standing around, I hear things like, "Well, we've had really mild winters for the last four years or so, so I think we're due for a really harsh one this time around!" Oh, great! I think ol' man Winter has just been waiting for me to arrive on the scene so he could show me what the word "cold" really meant. When we first got here, the locals didn't want to spook me, so they spun all of these nice tales of mild winters and "hardly any snow, because, you know, we're in this nice protective Lehigh Valley..." And now, I'm being warned that we might be looking at sub-zero temps and blizzards! Hey! I didn't sign up for this, ya know!
Anyway, for the past week or so, we've had lows in the 40's and highs in the low 70's, and some of the trees have actually started to turn colors (It's not nice to fool Mother Nature, ya know!). And it's actually very nice! If all winter could be this way, I'd be one happy camper. But I know, or I think I know, what is in store for me in a few months, and so I'm building a clothing war chest, so to speak, to prepare for that winter that the locals seem to think is going to hammer us.
My family is into sports, Philadelphia-based, so it's Phillies in summer and Eagles in winter. Too bad that the Eagles aren't doing too well this time around, but I have got myself an Eagles jacket, heavy-duty with a nice warm liner and a hood. Go, team! Jen has purchased another set of thermal undies for me. I now have a set of gloves. And a stocking cap, to keep my big ears warm. Myself, as I thought about the locals warning me about Antarctic conditions this time around, I was thinking more like a parka and mukluks, a la Eskimo! I don't know why, but the magic number around here is 10ºF! "Just wait till it hits 10º outside, Jack!" I really have no idea what 10º is like, but I think I'll have to dress warmly when I take the dogs for a walk! DUH!
Which brings me to my next winter dilemma: taking the dogs for a walk. In nice sunny warm Florida, we had this big fenced-in back yard, and there were two pet doors that let Sasha and Sandy go out whenever they had the urge. If anything were to get me to go back south, it would be this feature! And so, we move into our nice little row-home here in Palmerton, with no real back yard, and now we have to take our poochies out, on a leash, at least twice (and more like 6 times) a day for their constitutional. This is no problem when it's 80º out there, but the other morning, I dressed in sweats and took them down the street at 8:30 AM, and it was 47º! To me, that's FREEZING! You've heard of LMAO? Well, I was FMAO! And now I'm thinking - what on God's green earth am I going to do when it's 10-flippin'-degrees outside and there is a foot of snow on the ground??? And what are the dogs going to do? Or think? Oh, they already have fur coats, but they have never seen a northern winter before, so they're not used to "bulking up", at least not this time around! I've already started looking on-line for doggie parkas and booties. What happens when they pee in sub-freezing weather? Little yellow icicles?? And it will probably take me about 2 hours just to suit up for the walk. Maybe I should take along a homing beacon so if I don't come back, they can send out a Saint Bernard with a little keg of rum? Wonder if Sasha and Sandy can pull a dog sled.
And so, here I am, feeling the first touches of fall, and waiting for that miraculous color change in the leaves that will mark the onset of winter. Will this be that first really hard year, after so many years of mild weather? Will it be another mild one? Doesn't matter to me, because I have never experienced any winter in Pennsylvania. I know it will be colder than I have ever felt before. I know there will be snow. I have already learned the laws here in Palmerton, and on every 2nd Thursday during the winter months, I have to move our car from the street so the snow plow can come through and clear the street. Clear the street of SNOW?? Nope! Toto, I don't think we're in Florida anymore.
But you know what? I am happy here, here in my new home, with my family - my wonderful wife, Jen, my two daughters and their hubbies, and my 7 wonderful grand-kids. Winter? Snow? Cold? Bring it on! This Florida boy is gonna man up...and probably sleep through most of it!! In my nice, warm, toasty, heated-by-electric mattress pad, bed! Bwahahahahahaha!
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